Choking Gone Wrong

I was with a very abusive narcissist during med school. I was still in the mindset belief I did not deserve better and as an empathetic person believed I could “fix him”. But that narcissist/empath relationship is a whole topic on its own that I will def want to talk about in depth.

As a former navy SEAL he knew all the McNab techniques to overpower me. I was fine with a little breath play, but he had a nasty habit (one of many red flags on fire I ignored) of pushing passed my boundaries. Not in a healthy healing way – in a controlling abusive way that made me doubt everything about myself, and if something went wrong or I threw up it was my fault. He exerted “dominance” in every wrong dangerous way we are warned about. It was about control, not respect, he took my choice and place of power away. I tapped out and he purposely kept choking me until I blacked out. Then when I came to, terrified, scared, disoriented, crying – he laughed that I was upset saying that I liked it, how dare I not trust him, of course he knew what he was doing.

This experience is NOT ok, it was NOT consensual! It is dangerous, if you are with a partner like this RUN as fast as you can away. You deserve better, safer, and someone that respects you. I learned the hard way.

I found this great article on the proper and SAFE ways to practice breath play that I thought would be helpful to those out there. Please be safe and communicate.
CONSENT & COMMUNICATION or run away! Those that have more experience please feel free to offer your thoughts and advice as well on this topic 😊